Easy Ass Asparagus

Vegetables ain't wack. You just gotta season them hoes. (And not cook them to death)


2 bunches of fresh asparagus

1 large clove of fresh garlic chopped 

1 tsp fresh chopped parsley

1/2 tsp fresh lemon zest 

1 tsp sea salt

Pinch of fresh black pepper

1 tbsp of olive oil

1 stock pot of boiling water (with 2 tbsp of sea salt added)

1 large bowl or casserole dish with ice water


1.  While waiting for your salt water to boil, take one individual asparagus out of the rubber band-bound pack. Grab the tip and end. Bend it gently until it breaks naturally. Wherever that piece breaks will be used as the measure of where the stems become chewy and should be cut.

2. Take your broken asparagus measurer and line it up with the remaining bundle in the rubber bands. Cut the remaining asparagus to the same length as the first broken piece.

3. Drop the asparagus (one bundle at a time) into the boiling water. Boil for 5 seconds. Remove the spears and immediately place them into the ice water. Follow the same steps with the other bundle. Once all spears are cooked, drain them well and pat them dry.

4. Combine the sea salt, lemon zest, garlic, parsley and pepper with the olive oil. Drizzle the mixture over the asparagus, toss and enjoy!